Maybe It’s Not a Marital Problem, Maybe It’s a Holiday Problem

I’ve discussed Holiday Marital False Alarm Syndrome which predictably arises each year in December throughout many households. That’s why it does not come as a surprise each January when my calendar is quickly filled with divorce consultations. However, some couples are surprised by the outcome of their appointment with me.

By making a divorce mediation appointment and by honestly answering probing questions I pose to them, couples in crisis often make new discoveries. These discoveries can sometimes free couples from following through with a divorce.

The following are questions I urge couples considering divorce in January to consider:

• Where is the dissatisfaction in the marriage? Are there solutions?
• Is there a trigger that is prompting your spouse to exhibit negative/unpleasant or controlling behavior during the holidays? If so, what is that trigger?
• Are you and your spouse in full communication with each other? When was the last time you truly talked, checked in with each other, focused on your spouse instead of the kids, or scheduled a date night?
• Is this behavior a predictable pattern in December? Does your relationship automatically reset itself to neutral once spring rolls around?
• Have you been hiding a destructive habit? Have you been withholding a sensitive issue that requires disclosure and attention?

By revealing any previously unknown truths or just by acknowledging some destructive personality traits, some couples are able to repair their marital relationship. Did you know that a 2016 study by a UK law firm showed that 22% regretted getting a divorce? A journal of student research also published a study that 40% of divorced participants believed, in hindsight, that divorce was the wrong choice for their marriages.

The consequences of a divorce are real and they often leave destruction for both parents and children. Yet, thanks to media depiction and the high rate of divorce, divorce can seem more manageable than taking accountability and accepting personal responsibility in a marriage.

By asking the above questions, you are more likely to work through some of this marital discord and avoid a divorce.

If you are considering a divorce this time of year, I first recommend you read my book 7 Secrets from the Divorce Whisperer: Saving Yourself, Your Money, and Your Children During Divorce. And if you feel this book doesn’t help you answer questions about your marriage, I recommend you schedule an appointment for mediation, not divorce litigation, if at all possible.

To schedule a consultation, contact us here.