Children’s Tools for Self-Esteem and Well-Being While Parents Divorce

Through divorce, your ultimate focus is to not allow your children to become the real causalities. If children feel compelled through the immaturity of their divorcing parents to either choose a side or are forced to feel protective of one parent over the other, then the responsibility for the children’s heightened current distress and even potential future trauma falls solely upon the parents themselves.

Overwhelmingly, research reveals it is not the divorce itself that disturbs the emotional development, well-being, and self-esteem of the children. Rather, acrid conflict between the parents and foul behavior peppered with verbal assaults witnessed by their children are precisely what cause the most longstanding and devastating wounds upon children’s vulnerable psyches. Tragically, such pervasive wounds, most often, can never be fully healed.

Fortunately, however, parents hold tremendous power, which can enable them to spare their children from such negative impacts of their divorce and also buffer them from the inevitable disruptive proceedings yet to come. After assisting over 10,000 clients through their own unique and diverse divorce proceedings, I can honestly say I have never encountered a parent or parents who have actively wished to harm their children through this grueling process.

Furthermore, although couples often come to me enraged with each other and often soul-sick within themselves, I am most often struck by their instinctual feelings of parental protection towards their children and their genuine desire to safeguard and keep them free from harm.
To that end, you must know that:

• Knowledge is power
• Preparation is a necessity
• Vigilant mindfulness of any conversation in the presence of your children or even with the potential of being overheard by them is of paramount importance

I cannot emphasize enough that your children are not your soul mates; your children are not your counselors; your children are not your confidants; your children are not your best friends. Your responsibility is to find and cultivate other adult relationships for these roles.

For further assistance in finding support for yourselves and your children, I strongly recommend Kids In The Middle, a local parenting organization located in Maplewood, MO, with 35 years of experience in serving the St. Louis community. This organization has high-quality and comprehensive therapeutic services, assessments, and evaluations are available for those couples seeking guidance and support in ways most productive for themselves and their children during these challenging periods of transition.

If you’re seeking more resources for yourselves or your children through the process of divorce, reach out to the Law of Office of Marta J. Papa